"I Feel So Cheap"

I already knew that Seth and I weren’t romantically compatible. What hurts is the painful reminder that I am not desired that way. Only now, I am no longer a virgin kisser. My mouth lost its innocence for a couple of mental checkmarks. I feel so cheap.



“Who knows? Maybe we’ll end up being brother and sister, huh?” He raises his eyebrows at me. “Our folks are getting pretty serious.”


When the phone rings I know that there is a G-d. I don’t care who is on the other line. I cannot get away fast enough from Seth McGee and my potentially incestuous, first French Kiss.


“It’s Deidra,” I point to the portable in my hand and wait for him to leave.


“Tell her your brother says hi!” He winks and whispers “Goodnight Sis’,” over a grumbling-to-consciousness Ms. Krantz before closing the front door.


“What the hell is going on?” Ms. Krantz asks. White strings of saliva pull from the sides of her mouth.


“What’s up?” Deidra asks, a million miles away.


Hell has frozen over, cows are jumping over the moon, and life as we know it is over, I think. But the gap between what I’m feeling and what my brain is capable of saying is too wide and Deidra’s voice is as happy as Ms. Krantz’s is annoyed so I just tell her the good news and wait for her cheers—the one thing I can count on in my topsy-turvy world.